Photo: Composite by VICE Staff
Stupid-hot deals on all of our favorite stuff.
On the third day, the Lovehoney Lords made the final slashes to their three-part summer flash sale with additional markdowns of 70% off for vibrators, lingerie, bondage gear, that one penis pump that looks like an Aeropress, and more. Being the thrice-nippled, BDSM-savvy, sex-toy hydras that we are, we are genuinely excited about the range of horny goods in this sale. We can usually sniff out when a sexual wellness retailer is giving actual variety in their products (versus dumping out the reject pantry), and Lovehoney is offering a blend of well-known brands including Womanizer, Cal Exotics, and Fleshlight, while keeping things exxxtra spicy with more niche ventures into the world of jelly penis extenders (yup, that’s a thing) that are on such big markdown, they cost less than that vegan arepa you slammed this weekend (which was also worth it).
Here are some of our must-have picks from the final markdowns of the banging summer sale.
A first-time vibrator
If you’re venturing into vibrators but don’t know where to start, a wand is a solid launching point, as it can help you figure out what kind of clitoral stimulation, anal play, and penetration you need from your vibes. This one has an extra-powerful motor, which also makes it great for working out kinks in your back. It’s waterproof, USB-rechargeable, and truly a sex toy pantry staple.
Powerful Rechargeable Silicone Wand Vibrator
Who hasn’t? This Fleshlight spank bank is great for beginners and seasoned penis-sleevers alike, as it comes with an easy-to-remove sleeve made of soft plastic, its own lube, and is made up of four spiralled, deep-ridged chambers to make your penis feel like it’s soaring over the Rocky Mountains.
Pink Lady Vortex
The Cadillac of clitoral vibes
You can’t go wrong with a vibrator by Womanizer (terrible name; thoughtfully designed products) because the material is always so soft, and there’s no direct contact onto the clitoris with their suction products. Instead, they use patented air-pressure technology that gently sucks the clitoris while providing gentle vibrations, making it ideal for sensitive clitorises.
Starlet USB Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator
Pump it up
Yet another bucket-list sexual wellness item you can knock out with this sale. A penis pump can help increase the time and size of an erection, and this one has three levels of suction, an easy-release button, and two attachments for your two ethical summer ho personalities. “I’ve had a cheap version from here (£20) and you can’t even compare it to this one,” explains one reviewer, “It’s so comfy and so easy to use. Really happy I managed to get this on discount.”
Automatic Suction Rechargeable Penis Pump
Anyone can hogtie
If your kink aspirations fall somewhere between the art of Japanese shibari (a centuries-old form of BDSM) and good old Velcro handcuffs (also on sale right here), this hogtie set is for you. It’s latex-free, and the central metal ring has rope extensions that reach up to 24 inches.
Soft Rope Hogtie
Have a spankin’ summer,
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.
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